Since last Thursday, I have lost about 8 pounds. I do not agree with binge and crash diets, and this is no exception. Unfortunately, I have not been able to eat much more than an apple, banana, or piece of lettuce since Friday. My stomach pains have been so intense I can not imagine having to continue with this for a long time. It seems that no matter what I do I am in pain.
According to the doctor I should receive a call Monday or Tuesday to have a CT scan. I have never been a proponent for surgery to take needed body parts out, but with the amount of pain I have been in I am certainly starting to consider it. The way I look at it is that I will need to change my diet no matter what happens. It shouldn't be too much of a change from what I am doing now. I very seldom eat red meat or dairy. So that should not be too hard. But I definitely need to be more strict about everything else.
The way I am going right now, I do not think I will be at work for a few days. It seems the more active I am the more pain I have. So I will be in bed, or on the couch, or just doing nothing for a few days until I can get this under control.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
A Few Lessons Learned
When I started my blog I really didn't think anyone but my wife and kids would read it. I guess when I wrote my last post(Tired) I forgot that my boss would read it. Normally that would not be a problem, my boss Bob happens to be a very good friend and I invited him to read my blog. But in my last post I wrote a little about work...ok I gripped a little about work. Forgetting that Bob might read, he told me the next day that we should talk. Bless his heart I wonder if he is worried about how I am doing, if I am happy, what my work goals are, etc. Luckily I really do love me job. I think I was having one of those days where everything seemed to be going wrong. So Bob, if you read this post, don't worry about me. So the lesson learned here is to remember that others may read your blog - and that is great. I will just as easily write my thoughts here as I would to talk to someone. I have found that this has been a good forum for me to express my thoughts, experiences and desires.
Another funny lesson. Last year, on Easter Sunday, Rachael had a gall bladder attack. We didn't recognize it as such for several months, as the pain continued day in and day out. After speaking with a surgeon about removing her gall bladder, we decided to take a more in depth look at alternative cures. Our philosophy is that Heavenly Father created us with each of our organs for a specific purpose. It was amazing to me that so many doctors, and especially surgeons who are paid based on performing surgery's, were willing to take out the organ that is causing pain. The reason to them was simple, "Oh, the gall bladder really doesn't do much and you do not need it." That philosophy seemed so weird to us. During our research we found that much of her gall bladder pain could be controlled with diet. So we decided to eat healthier - less red meat, no dairy, more vegetables and fruits. With in a short time Rachael was feeling better and our family was healthier.
Fast forward a year - yesterday I had a terrible gall bladder attack. It was one of the most painful experiences I have had. I thought several times that I would rather break a bone than go through that again. One of the ways to reduce gall bladder pain is to eat 1 teaspoon of beets, lemon, and flax seed oil. This special mixture, if taken every hour, will decrease or even extinguish gall bladder pain within a few hours. By 4pm I still had amazing amounts of pain (I was even taking ibuprofen and naproxen for the pain) and I decided it was time to call a doctor. Sure enough the prognosis was that I was having a gall bladder attack and that it was more than likely caused by gall stones. Every time I would eat, which wasn't very much, I would double over in pain. The doctor wants me to get a CT scan to see if I have gall stones - if I do the typical response is once again surgery to remove the gall bladder. But this does not fix the root of the problem - only the effect. The doctor did mention that as I wait until next week for the CT scan I can either be very religious and fast a few days, or I can restrict my diet. Instantly I realized how poor our diet has gotten over the past year. We started out doing so well, and especially this past week have gone very very down hill. He specifically mentioned to not have fat, dairy, or much meat. Things we already knew but unfortunately took a lot of pain to bring back to our remembrance.
So I am back to eating healthy again. More veggies and fruit and less meat. Really this is not a bad thing, I certainly loose weight and feel better. I just get so darn bored with the choices.
All in all it has been a good week. I have learned a few really good lessons. Now the trick is to improve next week. That always seems to be the difficult part.
Another funny lesson. Last year, on Easter Sunday, Rachael had a gall bladder attack. We didn't recognize it as such for several months, as the pain continued day in and day out. After speaking with a surgeon about removing her gall bladder, we decided to take a more in depth look at alternative cures. Our philosophy is that Heavenly Father created us with each of our organs for a specific purpose. It was amazing to me that so many doctors, and especially surgeons who are paid based on performing surgery's, were willing to take out the organ that is causing pain. The reason to them was simple, "Oh, the gall bladder really doesn't do much and you do not need it." That philosophy seemed so weird to us. During our research we found that much of her gall bladder pain could be controlled with diet. So we decided to eat healthier - less red meat, no dairy, more vegetables and fruits. With in a short time Rachael was feeling better and our family was healthier.
Fast forward a year - yesterday I had a terrible gall bladder attack. It was one of the most painful experiences I have had. I thought several times that I would rather break a bone than go through that again. One of the ways to reduce gall bladder pain is to eat 1 teaspoon of beets, lemon, and flax seed oil. This special mixture, if taken every hour, will decrease or even extinguish gall bladder pain within a few hours. By 4pm I still had amazing amounts of pain (I was even taking ibuprofen and naproxen for the pain) and I decided it was time to call a doctor. Sure enough the prognosis was that I was having a gall bladder attack and that it was more than likely caused by gall stones. Every time I would eat, which wasn't very much, I would double over in pain. The doctor wants me to get a CT scan to see if I have gall stones - if I do the typical response is once again surgery to remove the gall bladder. But this does not fix the root of the problem - only the effect. The doctor did mention that as I wait until next week for the CT scan I can either be very religious and fast a few days, or I can restrict my diet. Instantly I realized how poor our diet has gotten over the past year. We started out doing so well, and especially this past week have gone very very down hill. He specifically mentioned to not have fat, dairy, or much meat. Things we already knew but unfortunately took a lot of pain to bring back to our remembrance.
So I am back to eating healthy again. More veggies and fruit and less meat. Really this is not a bad thing, I certainly loose weight and feel better. I just get so darn bored with the choices.
All in all it has been a good week. I have learned a few really good lessons. Now the trick is to improve next week. That always seems to be the difficult part.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tired
Tonight I am ornery. Sometimes I get tired of working my consulting. Really I should be thankful, but after a long day I just didn't feel like working more. But alas I did what was needed. I am hoping that by expressing my frustration here that I will get it out of my system and feel better about myself and life in general. Wow...this is kind of a depressing blog today. I guess that is the thing with journals...you have good and bad days. And it is not that it has been a bad day, just that I am frustrated with certain aspects of my life.
I have been waiting what seems like years to find out if I have been selected for a job that I have really wanted. After feeling like I have been getting the run around I am having a difficult time waiting any longer. I know that it is just business and I am trying not to take the long, long wait personal, but it is hard not too. Hopefully by the end of this week I will have some idea if I got the job or not. Of course I do not know what I will do if I do not get the job. I love what I do now but I feel so under appreciated and under utilized. Perhaps with the new director, Chris Twitty, our division will move to something a little more cutting edge. Oh, and even if I do move up the ladder at work I still need to consult. That is kind of depressing too. This whole raising a large family, feeding a large family, and driving a large family sure makes for an interesting financial outlook.
Ok...one more quick gripe, then I will be happier - I promise. When our department re-organized I put my name in to be considered for a management position. It would be a fun job - manage the e-learning/kiosk team. But I have not heard anything about that either so I am once again trying not to take the lack of response personal. These are business decisions and I certainly understand that they need to find the best people to fulfill these roles. I am just feeling like I am getting the run around and that I do not fit their profile for a manager. Hummm....I hope I am not getting the itch to be self employed again. I love being self employed, but I also really need a steady income right now. So I am trying to temper my desire to "break-out".
So, all-in-all, I am tired. Ready for a break. Physical, mental, temporal...I just need a break. Guess it is time to start visualizing the beach!
Now that I have had a chance to get some frustrations of my chest, I think I will go read a book and do something for me. Although I did do something for me today. I bought some drum sticks and a practice pad. I think I want to learn how to play the drums. One of my goals in life is to play the steel drums. Most people in the west don't really know what the steel drums are but I love the sound. Guess it is a way for me to get back to the tropics without leaving my mountains - which is perfect for me.
Isn't it funny how you begin to feel better just getting some frustration off your chest. So if anyone reads this (which is highly unlikely - other than my wife) I am feeling better. Not enough to start another day, but certainly better enough to end this one. Have a great night!
I have been waiting what seems like years to find out if I have been selected for a job that I have really wanted. After feeling like I have been getting the run around I am having a difficult time waiting any longer. I know that it is just business and I am trying not to take the long, long wait personal, but it is hard not too. Hopefully by the end of this week I will have some idea if I got the job or not. Of course I do not know what I will do if I do not get the job. I love what I do now but I feel so under appreciated and under utilized. Perhaps with the new director, Chris Twitty, our division will move to something a little more cutting edge. Oh, and even if I do move up the ladder at work I still need to consult. That is kind of depressing too. This whole raising a large family, feeding a large family, and driving a large family sure makes for an interesting financial outlook.
Ok...one more quick gripe, then I will be happier - I promise. When our department re-organized I put my name in to be considered for a management position. It would be a fun job - manage the e-learning/kiosk team. But I have not heard anything about that either so I am once again trying not to take the lack of response personal. These are business decisions and I certainly understand that they need to find the best people to fulfill these roles. I am just feeling like I am getting the run around and that I do not fit their profile for a manager. Hummm....I hope I am not getting the itch to be self employed again. I love being self employed, but I also really need a steady income right now. So I am trying to temper my desire to "break-out".
So, all-in-all, I am tired. Ready for a break. Physical, mental, temporal...I just need a break. Guess it is time to start visualizing the beach!
Now that I have had a chance to get some frustrations of my chest, I think I will go read a book and do something for me. Although I did do something for me today. I bought some drum sticks and a practice pad. I think I want to learn how to play the drums. One of my goals in life is to play the steel drums. Most people in the west don't really know what the steel drums are but I love the sound. Guess it is a way for me to get back to the tropics without leaving my mountains - which is perfect for me.
Isn't it funny how you begin to feel better just getting some frustration off your chest. So if anyone reads this (which is highly unlikely - other than my wife) I am feeling better. Not enough to start another day, but certainly better enough to end this one. Have a great night!
Monday, June 23, 2008
My best Selling Business Book
I finally have it - the perfect business book to write. That's right I have the idea that will revolutionize business and families. Today when I was helping set up a chairs and tables for the Dexter family funeral luncheon, it hit me how amazing a structure the Relief Society is. Yup, that's right - a book about how business will run leaner, better, more efficiently, if it is patterned after Relief Society functions. Sure people (mainly husbands) poke fun at the table doilies and pictures, but honestly have you ever seen an organization run so smoothly. It seems in the face of utter chaos these daughters of Heavenly Father were able to create and maintain a setting that invited the spirit and calmed the mind. I give my thanks to the wonderful Relief Society. If only more people could see how business and more importantly, life could be run.
As I have reflected on this wonderful service the women of our ward were giving, the image of Christ washing the apostles feet has filled my mind. I am sure that some of the women serving the Dexter family were secretly wishing that as close friends to Linda that they would be invited to eat and share with the family. And yet I am sure that if Christ was physically there that he too would have been serving the family. There is no greater gift of love than to serve. Christ is the supreme example of a life of service, and the Relief Society organization epitomizes that attribute. May we all pay closer attention to those that serve us in our lives. Perhaps it is the person who let's us change lanes, or the simple hello and smile from a stranger in the grocery store. Whatever the case may be the hand of the Lord can be seen - if we carefully look for it.
As far as my "best selling book" it has already been written. The author of which is who gives us all. I love my Saviour and am thankful for his presence in my life.
As I have reflected on this wonderful service the women of our ward were giving, the image of Christ washing the apostles feet has filled my mind. I am sure that some of the women serving the Dexter family were secretly wishing that as close friends to Linda that they would be invited to eat and share with the family. And yet I am sure that if Christ was physically there that he too would have been serving the family. There is no greater gift of love than to serve. Christ is the supreme example of a life of service, and the Relief Society organization epitomizes that attribute. May we all pay closer attention to those that serve us in our lives. Perhaps it is the person who let's us change lanes, or the simple hello and smile from a stranger in the grocery store. Whatever the case may be the hand of the Lord can be seen - if we carefully look for it.
As far as my "best selling book" it has already been written. The author of which is who gives us all. I love my Saviour and am thankful for his presence in my life.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Service is Optional?
Today in Elders Quorum, President Will Fritcher asked for volunteers to help with a service project. His approach was novel and one that I really appreciated. All he stated is that he needed help for about 15 minutes at 5pm today. The silence was overwhelming! Finally someone had the gumption to ask "are you going to tell us what we are going to be doing for service?" At that comment I instantly raised my hand and volunteered. I realized that it should not matter what the project or activity is, we should be willing to serve regardless of what we are doing. After church I spoke with President Fritcher about our service. He told us that we will be setting up chairs for the viewing tonight for Sister Linda Dexter. How grateful I was that I volunteered without knowing exactly what was to be required.
But for some it really seems that service is optional. Only when it works in their schedule and fits their ideals of how they would like to serve. Thankfully Christ does not feel the same way. If that were the case I am sure I would be at the end of His service line.
But for some it really seems that service is optional. Only when it works in their schedule and fits their ideals of how they would like to serve. Thankfully Christ does not feel the same way. If that were the case I am sure I would be at the end of His service line.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Chick Flicks, Concerts, and Summer
I have always thought that I was a pretty manly man. Yea, I like the typical sports, sports movies, hero shows and books, war flicks, ESPN, baseball...did I mention sports, etc. But I also like the chick flicks. Okay before you give me a hard time, I enjoy watching movies that make my wife cuddle up with me on the couch. You know the kind - the Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks type. We just watch the last part of "You've Got Mail" again and I loved it. I guess the only thing that would make the chick flick better is to take the typical love story and add a sports hero, that goes to war, plays a baseball game, saves the world, and comes home to the girl of his dreams and asks her to marry him while at a Red Sox game. Okay, so maybe that is pushing it, but I do love the chick flicks.
Today was great. After a long day of working on the car, fixing the lawnmower, and then going to a baby blessing, we took our kids to the last part of Saratoga Splash. This is an all day event where there are carnival rides, parades, a wakeboarding competition and a concert. Although we wanted to do the full activities, we were only able to make it to the Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band concert. How great it was that the city paid for the band to pay so that the residents could enjoy the show for free. (Of course nothing is really free - don't get me started on how the city is raising taxes to offset a deficit.) Back to the 'free' concert - the band was great. I love their style of blue grass, rock, country, etc. They are very talented and the kids loved dancing next to the stage and playing. Zach, being bold and outspoken, went to Ryan Shupe after the concert and asked if he could have his guitar pick. That was surely something I never would have done at his age, but alas he got the pick. The girls danced the night away, and during one of the songs the band all turned to the girls who were stage right, and played a sang directly to them. It was so much fun.
So it sure does feel like summer has arrived. The weather is hot, the sun is great, skies are blue, mountains are green, and fire season has started. Yup, there is a fire just north of our subdivision. Not really a bad thing though; very typical for the season. The kids are loving the weather. Basically they go outside early in the day, and stay outside until the hunger pains are enough to bring them back. After filling their stomachs they are back outside again. I love this time of year.
Today was great. After a long day of working on the car, fixing the lawnmower, and then going to a baby blessing, we took our kids to the last part of Saratoga Splash. This is an all day event where there are carnival rides, parades, a wakeboarding competition and a concert. Although we wanted to do the full activities, we were only able to make it to the Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band concert. How great it was that the city paid for the band to pay so that the residents could enjoy the show for free. (Of course nothing is really free - don't get me started on how the city is raising taxes to offset a deficit.) Back to the 'free' concert - the band was great. I love their style of blue grass, rock, country, etc. They are very talented and the kids loved dancing next to the stage and playing. Zach, being bold and outspoken, went to Ryan Shupe after the concert and asked if he could have his guitar pick. That was surely something I never would have done at his age, but alas he got the pick. The girls danced the night away, and during one of the songs the band all turned to the girls who were stage right, and played a sang directly to them. It was so much fun.
So it sure does feel like summer has arrived. The weather is hot, the sun is great, skies are blue, mountains are green, and fire season has started. Yup, there is a fire just north of our subdivision. Not really a bad thing though; very typical for the season. The kids are loving the weather. Basically they go outside early in the day, and stay outside until the hunger pains are enough to bring them back. After filling their stomachs they are back outside again. I love this time of year.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Talent Search
There are many things I want to do in this life. I would love to learn to play the steel drums, pick up a guitar, or even take wood and create masterful pieces. But I just can't seem to find time or ability. Trust me I have tried - I bang on the steering wheel, twiddle my air guitar, and even whittle wood. But each time it does not get me any closer to mastering any of my desires.
I have heard it stated time and again that everyone has a talent. If that is true why can't I seem to find mine? I know that I am poking fun at my steering wheel drums, but honestly I just can't figure out what I am good at.
Some people (ok my biased wife) have stated that one of my talents is teaching. I must admit, I do like to teach. I am the kind of person that will gladly teach any class, at any level, even without much notice. There have been times that I have taught Elders Quorum, Youth Sunday School, or even Gospel Doctrine without any notice (usually as class is beginning). The problem is when I am looking for something to do I just can't get together a group of people and start teaching.
So, I am in search of a talent.
I have heard it stated time and again that everyone has a talent. If that is true why can't I seem to find mine? I know that I am poking fun at my steering wheel drums, but honestly I just can't figure out what I am good at.
Some people (ok my biased wife) have stated that one of my talents is teaching. I must admit, I do like to teach. I am the kind of person that will gladly teach any class, at any level, even without much notice. There have been times that I have taught Elders Quorum, Youth Sunday School, or even Gospel Doctrine without any notice (usually as class is beginning). The problem is when I am looking for something to do I just can't get together a group of people and start teaching.
So, I am in search of a talent.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Life is Fragile
I know I already wrote today, but I just can't seem to shut my mind off. Life is fragile. There really isn't any other way to look at it. If something is fragile, we strive to take care of it. To nuture, admire, and love. How amazing this life is. No matter the struggles we face, life is beautiful.
I was talking with John Middleton, a great friend of mine, the other day about lifes challenges. I was reflecting on how strong the Calder family is. Regardless of the trials they are going through they have been patient, caring, loving, and ever faithful. What an example! John pointed out that he is sure just like I would not want the trials the Calder family has, and they would not want mine. How interesting that this life has been designed to help us grow; never designed to push us towards failure.
If life is fragile how should we treat it. President Monson in his article "Now is the Time" stated "How fragile life, how certain death. Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day." I think making the most of each day means to live life to the fullest. That does nto mean that we should all take up dangerous sports and risk our lives for the seek of thrill. But instead we should let anger, sorrow, pain and misery disappear. Give up the carnal need to hold onto hurt feelings. Be willing to forgive, even when you may not feel that you are ready to. I have reflected many times when I am away at work or on a trip on what my kids lasting memory of me will be. I remember times when I was driving through the desert all alone and thankful that I said goodbye for the day to my kids. Thankful that we did not have a fight or hurt feelings. I could not imagine the pain and anguish if I were to pass away and leave my last experience a negative one.
And so I work each day to give an extra hug, embrace or kiss to each of my loved ones. Be quick to apologize and say sorry. Give mercy where none is expected or deserved. Last week John Middleton gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. It has brought tears to my eyes many times. We were discussing an employee and I made comment on how my boss has shown greater mercy than I would have. John was very quick to tell me how odd that sounded coming from my mouth because I was the most merciful person he knew. And yet I feel so inadequate. The greatest examply of mercy is Christ. Mercy has not come easy to me. There have been many times in my life that I was ready to dismiss a friendship or relationship due to hurt feelings. My wife has prompted my time and again to give forgiveness.
I don't think I was able to show forgiveness fully until just a few years ago. When we lived in Smithfield Utah, one of our children was sexually abused by a good friend and neighbor. How difficult that was for me as a father. I was so filled with anger and hate that I wanted to see that person phsyically hurt. It brings sadness to my heart today to think that I was so filled with the sorrow that satan wanted me to feel that I was willing to risk my own family to claim what I thought was retribution. Gladly I did not. Our bishop was so kind and gave such wonderful words of advice and encouraged us to not "canker our souls". I must admit when I heard bishop Jensen say that I was ready to blow up on him; but his words were more powerful than my emotions. Greatfully I started down the path of mercy. A few months ago we were able to meet with the perpetrator. It was a difficult but wonderful reunion. Mercy, love, and Christ filled the conversation.
The gift of life is amazing. It is fragile. It is wonderful. Live each day as if it were your last. In 2 Timothy 4 Paul counsels us "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith". I think one of the greatest gifts I can give my children is the gift of mercy. Not just to our own family, but to all I come in contact with. Life is too short to not give that heavenly sent gift!
I was talking with John Middleton, a great friend of mine, the other day about lifes challenges. I was reflecting on how strong the Calder family is. Regardless of the trials they are going through they have been patient, caring, loving, and ever faithful. What an example! John pointed out that he is sure just like I would not want the trials the Calder family has, and they would not want mine. How interesting that this life has been designed to help us grow; never designed to push us towards failure.
If life is fragile how should we treat it. President Monson in his article "Now is the Time" stated "How fragile life, how certain death. Because life is fragile and death inevitable, we must make the most of each day." I think making the most of each day means to live life to the fullest. That does nto mean that we should all take up dangerous sports and risk our lives for the seek of thrill. But instead we should let anger, sorrow, pain and misery disappear. Give up the carnal need to hold onto hurt feelings. Be willing to forgive, even when you may not feel that you are ready to. I have reflected many times when I am away at work or on a trip on what my kids lasting memory of me will be. I remember times when I was driving through the desert all alone and thankful that I said goodbye for the day to my kids. Thankful that we did not have a fight or hurt feelings. I could not imagine the pain and anguish if I were to pass away and leave my last experience a negative one.
And so I work each day to give an extra hug, embrace or kiss to each of my loved ones. Be quick to apologize and say sorry. Give mercy where none is expected or deserved. Last week John Middleton gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. It has brought tears to my eyes many times. We were discussing an employee and I made comment on how my boss has shown greater mercy than I would have. John was very quick to tell me how odd that sounded coming from my mouth because I was the most merciful person he knew. And yet I feel so inadequate. The greatest examply of mercy is Christ. Mercy has not come easy to me. There have been many times in my life that I was ready to dismiss a friendship or relationship due to hurt feelings. My wife has prompted my time and again to give forgiveness.
I don't think I was able to show forgiveness fully until just a few years ago. When we lived in Smithfield Utah, one of our children was sexually abused by a good friend and neighbor. How difficult that was for me as a father. I was so filled with anger and hate that I wanted to see that person phsyically hurt. It brings sadness to my heart today to think that I was so filled with the sorrow that satan wanted me to feel that I was willing to risk my own family to claim what I thought was retribution. Gladly I did not. Our bishop was so kind and gave such wonderful words of advice and encouraged us to not "canker our souls". I must admit when I heard bishop Jensen say that I was ready to blow up on him; but his words were more powerful than my emotions. Greatfully I started down the path of mercy. A few months ago we were able to meet with the perpetrator. It was a difficult but wonderful reunion. Mercy, love, and Christ filled the conversation.
The gift of life is amazing. It is fragile. It is wonderful. Live each day as if it were your last. In 2 Timothy 4 Paul counsels us "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith". I think one of the greatest gifts I can give my children is the gift of mercy. Not just to our own family, but to all I come in contact with. Life is too short to not give that heavenly sent gift!
Journals for a Life Remembered
This is a very interesting and tough time for our ward. Recently Brother Duane Calder passed away from a brain tumor. The funeral was amazing. Sister Kristen Calder and her girls are such a strength a personal hero to me. But that is not why I am writing. Rachael came to me telling me that she was talking to the Calder girls and asked if Duane kept a journal. Although I am not sure if he did or how in depth it was, Rachael encouraged me to do so. With the sweet tears and look that only a child can give a parent, she reminded me that I have had so many spiritual experiences in my life. If I kept a journal my children would be able to know of some of those experiences.
And here it is another day, with me not really wanting to journal. I am not even sure why I do not. Perhaps it is the the guilt of feeling like I should be doing something else. Maybe it is because when I do have a moment I want to whisk away the pressure of the world by watching tv or reading or book. Or perhaps it is because I struggle to put down my thoughts. To my they sound like the ramblings of a deranged mind. I am not sure what my excuse of the day is today.
But here I am, at home in the middle of the weekday, writing in my journal of thoughts. I think I decided to pick it up today because we found out today that another of our dear friends has passed away. Another life tragically taken at such a young age. Linda Dexter has suffered much in her life. She has certainly battled many physical and mental issues. But I think most of all she has suffered from lack of friendship. Many in the ward are nice to her. They chat and talk, but few have really been able to get to know her. As I sit here with tears running down my cheek, I think of one of my greatest heroes in life. Becky has been able to get to know Linda in a way that few have had a chance to do.
It started as many friendships do - visiting teaching. You see, Linda is Becky's visiting teacher. The lessons and visits were nice and friendly, but as time went on the friendship grew. Recently Becky has been such a close confidant that Linda bore her whole soul to her. The ups, the downs - relationships, etc. Just last week the two ladies went to the mall to shop for Andrews birthday. Becky came home so excited to have such a close friend. One that was and is centered on Christ.
Becky and I have had several dealings with depression. We have experience going through it, helping children, friends, and loved ones. It is interesting that the tone in our ward from what I have heard is that Linda committed suicide. How sad and judgemental that is! Even if it is true so many people speak without experience. How easy it is for them to see they messy Dexter home and grumble stating tritely that they just need to "de-clutter". If they only understood the emotional and mental struggles. Perhaps someday, when I am more courageous, I will write about my struggles with depression. Let it suffice to say that we should not focus on what might be. But focus on what is. A family is in morning; a life has been lost. and generations will feel the effects. We do not know if Linda committed suicide. Even is she did that should not change our opportunity to love and to serve. Now more than ever the family needs our help, our love, and our support. To the good sisters who are helping clean and organize - I thank you. May each and every one of you feel the love of Christ as you serve and not murmur. May your hearts be softened, and your love increase. Christ of over all things and he has suffered this for all. It is my prayer that we allow the atonement to work on each of us, sinner and victim alike.
And here it is another day, with me not really wanting to journal. I am not even sure why I do not. Perhaps it is the the guilt of feeling like I should be doing something else. Maybe it is because when I do have a moment I want to whisk away the pressure of the world by watching tv or reading or book. Or perhaps it is because I struggle to put down my thoughts. To my they sound like the ramblings of a deranged mind. I am not sure what my excuse of the day is today.
But here I am, at home in the middle of the weekday, writing in my journal of thoughts. I think I decided to pick it up today because we found out today that another of our dear friends has passed away. Another life tragically taken at such a young age. Linda Dexter has suffered much in her life. She has certainly battled many physical and mental issues. But I think most of all she has suffered from lack of friendship. Many in the ward are nice to her. They chat and talk, but few have really been able to get to know her. As I sit here with tears running down my cheek, I think of one of my greatest heroes in life. Becky has been able to get to know Linda in a way that few have had a chance to do.
It started as many friendships do - visiting teaching. You see, Linda is Becky's visiting teacher. The lessons and visits were nice and friendly, but as time went on the friendship grew. Recently Becky has been such a close confidant that Linda bore her whole soul to her. The ups, the downs - relationships, etc. Just last week the two ladies went to the mall to shop for Andrews birthday. Becky came home so excited to have such a close friend. One that was and is centered on Christ.
Becky and I have had several dealings with depression. We have experience going through it, helping children, friends, and loved ones. It is interesting that the tone in our ward from what I have heard is that Linda committed suicide. How sad and judgemental that is! Even if it is true so many people speak without experience. How easy it is for them to see they messy Dexter home and grumble stating tritely that they just need to "de-clutter". If they only understood the emotional and mental struggles. Perhaps someday, when I am more courageous, I will write about my struggles with depression. Let it suffice to say that we should not focus on what might be. But focus on what is. A family is in morning; a life has been lost. and generations will feel the effects. We do not know if Linda committed suicide. Even is she did that should not change our opportunity to love and to serve. Now more than ever the family needs our help, our love, and our support. To the good sisters who are helping clean and organize - I thank you. May each and every one of you feel the love of Christ as you serve and not murmur. May your hearts be softened, and your love increase. Christ of over all things and he has suffered this for all. It is my prayer that we allow the atonement to work on each of us, sinner and victim alike.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Beaches
I love beaches. Little beaches, big beaches, cold beaches, warm beaches. If there is sand and it is adjacent to the ocean, I am happy.
Something Interesting
Isn't interesting how life can throw you curve balls. And they come when you least expect it too.
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