Journals for a Life Remembered

This is a very interesting and tough time for our ward. Recently Brother Duane Calder passed away from a brain tumor. The funeral was amazing. Sister Kristen Calder and her girls are such a strength a personal hero to me. But that is not why I am writing. Rachael came to me telling me that she was talking to the Calder girls and asked if Duane kept a journal. Although I am not sure if he did or how in depth it was, Rachael encouraged me to do so. With the sweet tears and look that only a child can give a parent, she reminded me that I have had so many spiritual experiences in my life. If I kept a journal my children would be able to know of some of those experiences.

And here it is another day, with me not really wanting to journal. I am not even sure why I do not. Perhaps it is the the guilt of feeling like I should be doing something else. Maybe it is because when I do have a moment I want to whisk away the pressure of the world by watching tv or reading or book. Or perhaps it is because I struggle to put down my thoughts. To my they sound like the ramblings of a deranged mind. I am not sure what my excuse of the day is today.

But here I am, at home in the middle of the weekday, writing in my journal of thoughts. I think I decided to pick it up today because we found out today that another of our dear friends has passed away. Another life tragically taken at such a young age. Linda Dexter has suffered much in her life. She has certainly battled many physical and mental issues. But I think most of all she has suffered from lack of friendship. Many in the ward are nice to her. They chat and talk, but few have really been able to get to know her. As I sit here with tears running down my cheek, I think of one of my greatest heroes in life. Becky has been able to get to know Linda in a way that few have had a chance to do.

It started as many friendships do - visiting teaching. You see, Linda is Becky's visiting teacher. The lessons and visits were nice and friendly, but as time went on the friendship grew. Recently Becky has been such a close confidant that Linda bore her whole soul to her. The ups, the downs - relationships, etc. Just last week the two ladies went to the mall to shop for Andrews birthday. Becky came home so excited to have such a close friend. One that was and is centered on Christ.

Becky and I have had several dealings with depression. We have experience going through it, helping children, friends, and loved ones. It is interesting that the tone in our ward from what I have heard is that Linda committed suicide. How sad and judgemental that is! Even if it is true so many people speak without experience. How easy it is for them to see they messy Dexter home and grumble stating tritely that they just need to "de-clutter". If they only understood the emotional and mental struggles. Perhaps someday, when I am more courageous, I will write about my struggles with depression. Let it suffice to say that we should not focus on what might be. But focus on what is. A family is in morning; a life has been lost. and generations will feel the effects. We do not know if Linda committed suicide. Even is she did that should not change our opportunity to love and to serve. Now more than ever the family needs our help, our love, and our support. To the good sisters who are helping clean and organize - I thank you. May each and every one of you feel the love of Christ as you serve and not murmur. May your hearts be softened, and your love increase. Christ of over all things and he has suffered this for all. It is my prayer that we allow the atonement to work on each of us, sinner and victim alike.