Tired

Tonight I am ornery. Sometimes I get tired of working my consulting. Really I should be thankful, but after a long day I just didn't feel like working more. But alas I did what was needed. I am hoping that by expressing my frustration here that I will get it out of my system and feel better about myself and life in general. Wow...this is kind of a depressing blog today. I guess that is the thing with journals...you have good and bad days. And it is not that it has been a bad day, just that I am frustrated with certain aspects of my life.

I have been waiting what seems like years to find out if I have been selected for a job that I have really wanted. After feeling like I have been getting the run around I am having a difficult time waiting any longer. I know that it is just business and I am trying not to take the long, long wait personal, but it is hard not too. Hopefully by the end of this week I will have some idea if I got the job or not. Of course I do not know what I will do if I do not get the job. I love what I do now but I feel so under appreciated and under utilized. Perhaps with the new director, Chris Twitty, our division will move to something a little more cutting edge. Oh, and even if I do move up the ladder at work I still need to consult. That is kind of depressing too. This whole raising a large family, feeding a large family, and driving a large family sure makes for an interesting financial outlook.

Ok...one more quick gripe, then I will be happier - I promise. When our department re-organized I put my name in to be considered for a management position. It would be a fun job - manage the e-learning/kiosk team. But I have not heard anything about that either so I am once again trying not to take the lack of response personal. These are business decisions and I certainly understand that they need to find the best people to fulfill these roles. I am just feeling like I am getting the run around and that I do not fit their profile for a manager. Hummm....I hope I am not getting the itch to be self employed again. I love being self employed, but I also really need a steady income right now. So I am trying to temper my desire to "break-out".

So, all-in-all, I am tired. Ready for a break. Physical, mental, temporal...I just need a break. Guess it is time to start visualizing the beach!

Now that I have had a chance to get some frustrations of my chest, I think I will go read a book and do something for me. Although I did do something for me today. I bought some drum sticks and a practice pad. I think I want to learn how to play the drums. One of my goals in life is to play the steel drums. Most people in the west don't really know what the steel drums are but I love the sound. Guess it is a way for me to get back to the tropics without leaving my mountains - which is perfect for me.

Isn't it funny how you begin to feel better just getting some frustration off your chest. So if anyone reads this (which is highly unlikely - other than my wife) I am feeling better. Not enough to start another day, but certainly better enough to end this one. Have a great night!