Don't Feel Like It

I just don't feel like it. No matter how many times I have thought about updating my blog, I just turn away. I am not even sure why...other than I just don't feel like it.

Sure, I have many things to write about...my kids, my family, life, work, church, etc. Maybe it is the thought that I have so much to say that I have writers block. Maybe the thought is too overwhelming. I guess I can keep telling myself that. Maybe I will even believe it.

As I sit here writing why I do not write, I am watching Jillian throw a temper tantrum. Yup the full tantrum with throwing books and crying. Sometimes I feel like doing that but I guess age and circumstances prohibit me from following through. Funny how after she is done with the tantrum, which lasted all of about 2 minutes, she is doing much better. Maybe I should throw one and see what other people do. But then I guess seeing a grown man throw a temper tantrum would be both scary and funny. So I guess I will allow age and circumstances win for now.

Another funny note...now that I have written, I still don't feel like it. But at least I have written.

Color Correction

Becky has been studying how to be a better photographer. She isn't taking any formal classes, just looking up new ideas on the internet. One thing we have learned is that even the great photographers of our day crop and color correct. I guess it really does prove that what you see is not always reality.

Sometimes I wish our lives could be just as easily color corrected. On days when you are carrying your own weather, wouldn't it be great to make a few easy adjustments with your mouse, and wham-o, a new image. I have found that there have been days I have been able to color correct. But I guess my save function was not working. Ok, lately I think I have had many of those days and not sure why. Perhaps I have been really killing myself at work.

I have been very worried about the impression I am giving to my employer. Do they think I am worth the investment that they have placed in me, or am I falling short? My boss assures me I am doing a great job, but I have been so overloaded I am not sure I am meeting all of goals. So, in an effort to get ahead, I took a day off. I know, sounds funny to take a day off to get ahead. But in reality it worked great. I was able to "sharpen the saw" and rejuvenate myself. It was wonderful. I took Becky, Zach, and Jilly to the golf course with me. My original intention was to play 9 holes, but it was so busy I was only able to hit a bucket of balls. Probably a good thing too, my golf game is so poor I would have made a fool of myself on the course.

While we were there Becky took pictures of the kids and I. It was so fun to have them there to play with. Certainly an activity I will need to do again. To bad I do not have a job that enables me to play all day. I guess then I would have to work to take a break!

But in reality, it was the best color correction I could have done for myself. Now I am ready to take on the challenges again.

Competitive

I am a very competitive person. So much so that I despise losing. To me it it the ultimate failure. In fact, it is so bad that I even hate losing to my kids. Ok, I know - it is a sickness.

But there is one other place that I hate losing even more - work. Recently I have been feeling like I have been beaten up at work. I guess it because I am feeling so overwhelmed by all that I have to do. Or perhaps a small part of me is not happy with my current job. Regardless of the reasons I feel like I am losing.

Recently my boss came to me and said we needed to come up with a plan to complete the Annual Workload requests. These requests are from the Area Presidency in each area with their request for DVDs in their language. Certainly an honorable request, and one that should be filled. The issue is that these requests have been coming in for the past 7-8 years, and little to no work has been completed on them. My job literally depends on me cleaning up the mess.

So how do I answer to call to a system and project that seems to be broken? Look at it as a competition! All I have to say is "Game on!"

Life is Good

Life is good. It really is. And I don't think I am trying to convince myself that it is. Maybe it is because my favorite 2 weeks every other year is the Olympics. Maybe it is because Rachael and Andrew are at EFY. Or perhaps it is just because I realize that even with all the junk that life is throwing us right now that we are surviving. Not just spiritually, but temporally as well. Let's face it, our finances are....well let's just say interesting. Our house is messy. The kids are wishing we could have done more fun activity this summer. But life is good.

It seems like it is easy to point out the negative things in our own lives. So I am going to focus on the positive. Rachael will have surgery in a few weeks. This is a good thing. In fact, we did not think we were going to afford it, but a great blessing came our way recently. Sometimes, in religion, people feel that their own religion has the corner market on inspiration. That is just not true. Heavenly Father loves all of his children, regardless of which religion. And because He loves his children, He wants to bless them. Our blessing came in the form of a very concerned step-mom. She was so in tune with the spirit that she knew she needed to call and find out what is going on in our lives. Being the typical stubborn prideful me, I was quick to assure her that all we well in our home. But Judy has a way of asking just the right questions. You know the ones - "Mark I know you are in need, tell me what is happening." My first reaction was to once again calm her concerns with a subtle "All is well." But I knew inside that she would not let up until I told her what was happening.

After our conversation, Judy sent me an email. Below is some of what she said:

The Lord already told me that you needed our help. It does not matter that we have pride, because I already knew something was going on and the first chance that I had to call, I did. Forget my frustration, I love you and your family so much that I am going to be there for you no matter if you tell me or not. Remember that God is in control, not us. He allows things to happen so that we learn to depend on HIM not ourselves, so no matter what, He will have HIS WAY ANYWAY so don't feel bad. Forget that. I already knew that there was an issue, I just did not know exactly what it was.

I love that the Lord is mindful of our needs. He truly loves us and wants to bless us. Often our blessings come through the actions of others.

So I can honestly say that "life is good." We all have our ups and downs; but if we persist, rely on the Lord, and give our humble thanks for the Lords blessings, he will continue to bless us.

Post of Many Topics

Well, my un-retirement party went well. Thankfully, I have a holiday in the middle of the week because I am in need of a break. My mind is clear and I feel that I have been adding value to my job. But my body is tired and in need of a rest. I am home today and back in the office tomorrow, then it is off for the weekend. Seems like the perfect way to get back in the swing of things. And hey, because of my un-retirement there will be fireworks! (ok maybe it is because of the 24 of July, but I will pretend it is a celebration of my success.)

Changing to another topic - what is the deal with school fees? I mean really, the amount we have to pay for our kids to go to school is amazing. Andrew has a $50 participation fee. Really, you have to pay to participate. I thought school was all about participation and now you have to pay for it. Then he will be graded on his participation on top of that. Kind of reminds me of double taxation. But I shouldn't complain - it is still summer time and we have another month of playing with the kids before the school year starts. Not that summer time has anything to do with school fees, but I guess it just gives me more time to not think about school.

Today is also a monumental day in the land of blogging. Yup, that's right, a historical moment in time. My mom has entered the blogging hemisphere. She is nervous, scared, young, and yet taking a wonderful step into the future. My hope is that she can share with her children and grandchildren her thoughts and experiences. Good luck Mom!

Coming out of Retirement

Some of the most prolific athletes in the world have done it, so why can't I? What is it that they have done you ask. Well, come out of retirement. So, I am announcing today that I am ready to un-retire. That's right - I am going back to the rat race.

You may even be asking yourself - "Why would you want to go back to work? Isn't retirement great?" I must admit, when I realized that I needed to stay home from work after my surgery, that I was very excited. Think about it, a week of watching movies, playing the Wii, and reading. How bad could that be? Well, let me tell you. I am BORED. I have not watched so much tv, played so many video games, and took as many long naps since I was in elementary school. The first day was great. But then the monotony took over.

Day in and day out the same thing. So, I am ready to announce that I want to go back to work. The thought of sitting at a desk, using my mind, talking with adults, solving complex problems, etc. sounds wonderful.

The trick now is to convince my body that I am ready to go back. Today was a good test run. We went to church and within about 45 minutes I was so exhausted I was ready to go to sleep right there in the second row. Trust me, I would not be the first person to fall asleep in church, but the thought of actually doing it was more than I could bear. So, I went home and took a nap. After a nice hour or so, I was ready for more activity. Andrew and I went a home taught a neighbor family. That was nice. Adult conversation, get out of the house, take a trip somewhere further than the garage. But, once again, I was ready for a nap when I got home.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I need it to be if I am ever going to come out of retirement and support my family.

Day before surgery

So what is it that you should be doing the day before a surgery? Well, I have tried working. Not a bad option, but it is tough to concentrate. I could surf the web. But invariably I come across pages such as "gall bladder surgery" and the after care instructions. I could watch a movie...but I am still at work. So, I guess all I can do is think about the positives.

The thought occurred to me that I could go home, but according to Becky's post, it might be better to finish out the work day. I am so close to being done for the day I think I can make it. The day has been interesting though. I noticed that I am more irritable than normal and more of a space cadet too.

But in all seriousness, I have really contemplated my blessings lately. It is a great activity when you feel a little down and over burdened. I can honestly say that we have more blessings than trials. Sure, life has been a little difficult lately, but the blessings have been phenomenal. But by tomorrow this time I may be saying something different. And if that is the case, someone please gently remind me.